Diary of a glass-half-empty person 31

I come from Scotland. "Smart move" I hear some of you say. True, Scotland is a little weird sometimes, but then so are so many places.

Or at least they have little weirdnesses. Take Australia, for example. I have nothing against the place nor the people, I adore Aussies (except for the eleven in white but that's another matter), it's just something in their national song. No, I don't mean Advance Australia Fair, I mean their real national song.

It starts off okay...

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled
"You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me."

Then the chorus, you all know it, and then we move on to the second verse...

Down came a jumbuck to drink at that billabong
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee...

just take notice of what happens next, it's important...

And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag
"You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me."

tutti... waltzing... yadda yadda... all good stuff... and the narrative moves on:

Up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred,
Down came the troopers, one, two, three.
"Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"

Now this is the point at which I interrupt the flow and imagine the real reaction of the swagman to this fatuous question. I mean, think about it for a moment. Take two if you like.

"Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"

Incredulous, the swagman replies.

"Where's that jolly jumbuck I've got in my tucker bag? Well... IT'S IN MY BLOOMIN' TUCKER BAG! Why do you ask if you know the answer, ya drongo!"

See what I mean? Weird. Anyway don't blame me, blame Banjo Patterson.

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Oh by the way I hear to my utter amazement that the speed restrictions near Cumbernauld have gone. This means you can speed past Arria at a decent lick. Good.